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Intergenerational relationships pose joys and problems

Monday, February 11, 2008 4:50 PM CST

February seems to be a month to enjoy those whom we care deeply about. Cherished relationships always find special sentiment between grandparents and grandchildren, or across generational lines. Although these relationships can be special and bring much joy to our lives, there can be many challenges also associated with these relationships. How can such perceived joy also bring about challenges that we must grapple with? What are some of the common challenges that grandparents face with grandchildren, especially if they are responsible for raising them. What are some ways that each generation can share with each other and enrich each other's lives as well as nurture a special relationship?

Grandparents raising grandchildren make up about 16 percent of our population, according to the Census Bureau (US Census, 2000). Regardless of the traditional or non-traditional type of relationship between grandparent and grandchild, joys and challenges to building intergenerational relationships exist.

Joys

Grandchildren bring the opportunity for their grandparents to restore their youth. They also provide an opportunity for grandparents to nurture the parenting needs that they either enjoyed or missed out with when raising their own children. Grandchildren also provide a venue for their grandparents to watch their values, goals and visions pass on and regenerate.

Challenges

Grandparents often have unique challenges, especially if responsible for raising their grandchildren. While often we anticipate having more disposable income during one's "golden years", grandparents may be poverty stricken due to the lack of job opportunities in the area, or limited resources. Grandchildren moving into the workforce today may have higher starting salaries and much more disposable cash than those which grandparents retired with. Grandparents may also struggle with role conflicts, that is they want to be the nurturing grandparent, but are saddled with the responsibility of also being a disciplinarian, especially in cases where they have responsibilities for their grandchild. Health issues may also pose as a challenge for grandparents, because of declining health, or physical abilities. Lastly, geographic separation may also be a challenge for grandparents to nurture relationships with grandchildren. Families are far more mobile today, than in the past, and more families are leaving the Southern Illinois areas to relocate due to job transfers, schooling etc.

Ways to nurture your relationships

Although often understated, grandchildren can offer tremendous assets to grandparents and vise versa. Each generation brings their own likes, dislikes, music, and culture. Grandparents can gain insights about technology and pop culture through opportunities for their grandchildren to teach them about their world ? email, facebooks, and computer technology in general. One are of commonality between "traditionalists" (people over the age of 60) and our youth (millenniumers) is the importance of cooperative relationships and networks. The difference however is that the traditionalists seek face to face contact in their networks, while our youth pursue virtual networks. Grandparents can help bridge this difference by stressing the values and importance of nurturing and maintaining these relationships in general.

Technology, on the part of youth can be an asset though in nurturing relationships across generations. Helping grandma type up favorite recipes, or teaching grandpa how to email, upload pictures from a digital camera or locate information using search engines on the computer helps the bonding process. This use of the computer can also merge into areas where grandchildren are faintly aware of and grandparents are fearful of: for example, navigating Medicare Part D. Grandchildren can also benefit greatly from learning grandparents stories about culture during the late depression years, fifties and sixties when pop culture, rock and roll, the generation of "evolving rights" and "flower power" or public advocacy were important themes in their lives. Specific skills such as baking cookies from scratch, preparing a meal, and cuisine lessons are much more valued by grandchildren than one realizes. Hence, these are all ways in which bonding and sharing across generations can enhance our relationships.

We all inherently want to pass on a part of our lives to others. What better way to do this than to nurture relationships across generations, and nurture the bonds that tie us?

Elaine T. Jurkowski, MSW, Ph.D. is an associate professor and graduate program director at the SIUC School of Social Work and member of the Jackson County Mental Health Task Force.